I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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