There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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