Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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