Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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