I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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