he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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