Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
