Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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