just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
