Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
