I'm gonna have a badass scar
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
