I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
