singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
