Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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