I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it's like heaven, but drunker
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
