I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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