3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
