are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
