"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
too bad you live with your parents still
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
