It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
