This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
