Sry I called you an 8
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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