apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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