dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
