It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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