her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
