Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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