If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
