i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
