I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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