man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
