He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
