I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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