Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
