theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
