im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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