Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My vagina is very pro this idea
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