if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
