Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
