hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
