What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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