the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
