I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
