i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
