I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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