As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
