Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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