I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
