This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I supernannyed him into submission
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
