I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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