The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
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you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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