mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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