Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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