Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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