When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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