Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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