I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize