Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize