I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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