thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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