Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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