That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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