A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
