Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
