i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
