Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
