Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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