My underwear smells like fireworks.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
