he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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