Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
where am i from again
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
do nipples grow back?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
