I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
