do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
