My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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