12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
