google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
