When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
