He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
