are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
