I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
