I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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