so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The ass gains better be worth it
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