do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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