I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
