I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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